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whatever happened to…

from the past:

Remember when you could just be friends with someone great/cool and that was enough? When you didn’t feel like you needed to plan your moves to hook up with them. I’m talking about women. I met this girl a week ago, and I don’t even know if I like her. Yes, I do find her attractive, but rather than just appreciating the fact that she’s cool and fun, and someone new that I have an opportunity to get to know, my thoughts tend to the physical—how am I going to hook up with her? I do not like this, not one bit.

I feel like I’ve lost a bit of my humanity. Perhaps, not my humanity, but I’ve lost my fervor for romance. I feel as though I’m jaded and fewer thoughts of a perfect someone or romantic ideals of the future cross my mind. Whereas, they used to do so all the time. Before, I was almost hopelessly a romantic, waiting on my star-crossed lover to fall into my arms. I used to hold out. Nowadays, I’m just trying to keep my head above water, stay out of harm’s way and hold onto some peace of mind knowing that I am better off straightjacketing myself in my apartment, instead of chasing vain conquests. Why? Not because I don’t want to whore myself out or because I feel bad for engaging in such ephemeral pleasures of the flesh—by flesh, I mean, giving into my carnal desires—but because such activities (i.e. pursuing women, playing the game of “let me charm you so I can see just how charming I am”) cultivate infections of the mind. They start as harmless seeds of self-validation or a lust for gratification, but they sprout into troubles far worse, laying on your conscience, stemming into regrets and growing into a world of confusion.

What happened to the good ole days when you really liked a girl, and you pursued her and just her? What happened to those days when you wrote about her in your journal, recounting the many firsts—the first time you talked to her, the first time she touched your hand, the first time you had this inkling there could be a chance that she could like you back? What happened to saving the first kiss for a time when you knew both parties were committed, and that she’d still like you the next day? What happened to making the wait worthwhile?

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. elvira
    January 5, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    chris, it sounds like you are seriously torn.
    dont overthink it.
    your thoughts are very male-centred.
    chicks probably have the same thoughts as you.
    dont feel entitled to such a ‘male’ feeling.
    youre not the only one.
    youre just as much a piece of meat as you think women are.
    youre not. but the chicks you want think of you as a piece of meat as well.
    deal with it. xxxxxxx luv ya gf.

  2. January 6, 2011 at 2:48 am

    the bad apples and the opportunists happened

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